for all the mothers May 28, 2008

The following is an excerpt from an email I sent last night to my weekly moms group friends.  I figured there may be a few other mothers who read this blog who might enjoy my ranting and my aha moment.  to all the mothers out there who have had a bad day- or several consecutive bad days as I seem to be having- YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

may 27,2008 I have had a rough day…my patience is SOOOO thin!  And I’m grumpy.  Yes I know I can blame it on pregnancy hormones, but that would be an easy out :)  I’m sure many of you can relate.  Isn’t it awful that when I should be filled with compassion for my sick child, instead I am frustrated with him that he won’t sleep, that he won’t eat anything but raisins and strawberries, and he won’t just be happy when I’m trying so hard to make him feel comfortable?!!!!  In these moments when I want to cry or pull my hair out, or just give up trying I can only turn one place.  And today I had a quick thought of pity and sadness for mothers who don’t have a heavenly Father they can turn to.  Sure they may have a group of friends like I do who can comfort, encourage and empathize…but ultimately it’s a heart issue and we need Christ to transform our hearts.  Only he can provide us with the ultimate measure of love, patience, joy, peace and perseverance to not just get us through a day- but a life time.

I’m not saying that I’ve turned to God easily today.  In fact I haven’t done anything but grumble until just now when I needed to share (because the only adults I’ve talked to today was the unfriendly man at the eye glass store, the kind grocer, and my tired husband), and as I was writing this I was realizing something about how my heart needs to be redirected.  Okay, what was meant to be a short email has turned into a blog length email- my apologies!  This is why blogging (or why talking to other human beings, adult beings, can be so helpful!)

If all this post does is make you laugh- good.  I’ve done my good deed for the day.  Now I will continue wiping a snotty nose and drying the never-ending tears from my precious son’s face.

it’s a boy! May 22, 2008

Corey, Ezra and I drove downtown today for our “we’re halfway there!” ultrasound appointment. I could not sleep last night, it seriously felt like Christmas Eve back when I was 8. I kept waking up thinking about what today would bring. I think because we decided to be surprised about Ezra’s gender, choosing to find out what this one was, was extra special. Corey and I sat in the waiting room in nervous excitement.

Of course the ultrasound technician was pretty much all business, no pleasure. About 1 minute into the ultrasound she casually threw out the fact that indeed she saw “boy parts” (I won’t use her exact words in case any children happen to read this) and then she quickly moved on to the next medical check point on her list. Corey was dealing with a tired, fussy Ezra, so as the moment passed and the surprise was over it wasn’t quite as dramatic as I had hoped it to be. I expected to get teary-eyed and emotional. Be filled with extreme joy or surprise. But it was rather an ordinary moment.

It wasn’t until we got in the car and drove home, saying to Ezra over and over, you’re going to have a baby brother that both Corey and I got the silly grins on our faces and couldn’t stop talking about how exciting it would be to have another boy. A best friend for our first born; a child who we would already be familiar with as far as things like circumcision and how to dress him, and what to put in the nursery. And of course he is the 5th grandson for my side of the family. I’m placing bets that the next sibling to get married in my family is going to have ALL girls since my older brother already has 3 sons Not that that would be a bad thing.

So today was a good day. I made Corey climb into the attic today to bring down Ezra’s clothes and things from the first 6 months. I’ll probably spend the evening refolding clothes, remember what happened when Ezra wore which outfit, smelling the smell of Dreft baby detergent, and getting excited about this new baby boy who will enter our lives in the beginning of October. Bonus material: the doctor at the office bumped my due date up a week. It’s all relative really, but still…one less week of pregnancy is one week closer to meeting my new son!

a billion thoughts May 14, 2008

There are a billion things I could be writing about right now. But all I can think about at the moment is how tired I am. I should write at a different time of day, but it seems that evenings are my only time free (not that I’m complaining!). I could write about how much I love getting back involved in the worship team at church. How I began to think again about writing more songs and maybe recording them- at the most amateur level- I must be clear. Recording for me is not about giving the world something, it’s more to document a song I’m sure to forget, or lose the music to in the next few years (it’s happened several times already). I could write about my amazing son who every day makes me smile, giggle, laugh hysterically and want to pull my hair out all in the same 24 hours. His latest developments: lots of sign language (please, water, hot coffee, blowing kisses, and lots of other crazy arm gestures that we still can’t figure out); babbling to us as if he were speaking sentences that we should understand; the cutest coy look, inquisitive look, shy grin, and the best bright-eyed, open mouthed, big white teeth smile you’ve ever seen; bringing in 3 molars at once (which equates to a completely swollen gums/mouth that looks quite monstrous in my opinion); walking everywhere, getting faster and faster each day; vacuuming the floor with a real vacuum EVERYDAY (mind you it’s not the big kind that most kids are scared of); fascination with tractors and any machines related to construction sites; dogs, birds, flowers; pride in his little pictures he brings home from sunday school (they are posted on the fridge; praying with us at the dinner table and raising his hands in the air when we’re done; curiosity of little babies and all kids smaller than him; playing on his fire engine on the back deck, digging in and eating the dirt in the planters…the list could go on forever. I could write about how proud I am of Corey and all his hard work- finishing previously unfinished house projects, continuing with the wedding photography and working hard to increase business…I could write about the little baby that kicks me very regularly these days and how we are going out if it’s a boy or girl next week- and I can’t wait. I could write about all these things but that would be a lot to write and that’s a lot of work. maybe next time