I am not Sarah Palin
Recently, I have been told that I look a lot like Sarah Palin. I guess I can take that as a compliment, she’s cute. I really think it’s just the glasses that we wear. We have a few differences. I don’t know why I woke up thinking about this in the middle of the night, but while waiting for our little guy to be born, I’m just going with the flow- so if 3am is the time for the brain to start thinking- so be it.
I’m not one to typically talk about or post about politics or politicians. I definitely have my thoughts and opinions but they don’t tend to be articulate enough to really justify sharing with others much. But there is one thing driving me crazy about this whole Sarah Palin working mom discussion. Yes, I think it’s cool that a woman is being asked to help lead our country. I am all for women choosing to work if that’s what they feel is best for them and their families. Yes I think it’s cool that a Christian woman is not feeling so supressed by her religion- I can’t imagine how Mars Hill feels about this one- that she won’t go to work in a field she feels called to work in. And yes, I think it’s great that the world is recognizing that support is crucial to both moms AND dads in raising children and because we choose to parent as a team, husband and wife, we can share the primary caregiver role and share it well.
But COME ON people! Whether you are for or against Sarah Palin running for VP, whether Rep or Dem, let’s be honest and face the REALITY of the role she could be stepping into. Vice President of the United States. I am sorry but I just don’t see how the VP can expect to be a parent when they are spending pretty much 24/7 running our country. Some people say, women can have it all. No, that is false. You have to sacrifice something; time with family, your marriage relationship, friendships, you children or your work. Every choice you make is impacting another area of your life. Being the VP is a big job…do we really expect her to leave home at 8am and arrive home at 6pm from the office after a long day’s work to be available to her children? Just because you have good support around you does not change the fact that to be a parent, a parent that IS raising your child, you have to be present. Otherwise you become the parent on paper for a child who is wondering, why isn’t my mom here for me when I need her? We see this with children of divorced parents all the time, and we know how damaging it is for them no matter how “healthy” the break up was.
John Gottman, a respected psychologist, writes in his book, Raising the Emotionally Intelligent Child, “[sucessful parenting]…is about accepting our role in this twent-year work-in-[progress called teh growth of a human being. It’s about slowing down, taking time to be with our children one on one, relating to them on a level their age requires.” He also writes about fathers who, studies show, when they make sacrificies at work like spending less time working and more time with family, end up passing up great career opportunities, salary increases, and get overlooked for promotions time and time again, yet they are very satisfied and have happy, healthy, emotionally sound children. Shouldn’t the same apply to working moms? It’s one thing when your kids are older, out of the house and not relying on parents for day-to day guidance…that’s why I think having older men and women in office seems to make so much more sense (that and experience, wisdom, perspective, etc.- though I am not into ageism so we won’t go there). Gottman quotes another author, Levant when he says, “family life is not only about providing for their families’ material needs. It’s about being there on a daily basis providing for the never-ending, ever-changing, day-to-day physical and emotional needs as well.”
Do we honestly think that Sarah Palin is super woman and can really bear the burden of running our country- with all it’s current problems right now- and come home to be physically and emotionally present for her young children? No, something will be sacrificed, and I have a feeling there won’t be a lot of grace from the government I(or the people) for sick days simply because, my kids need me right now.
For me, a lot of this has to do with the age of her kids. An infant? Support or no support, a mother and father’s physical & emotional presence in a young child’s life is probaby the single most significant thing in their development. They need face to face, care-free, loving, non-distracted time in order to become healthy & vibrant emotionally, socially, mentally, physically, & spiritually.
Some Christian circles are relating Sarah to the great bible hero of the Old Testament, Queen Esther. She saved her people from being destroyed (yet again, if you know your bible). One small detail we are forgetting. Queen Esther didn’t have 5 children- who CLEARLY needed her- at home! God called Abraham to sacrifice his child on the altar- but he didn’t actually make him literally sacrifice Isaac! Isn’t that kind of what we are expecting Sarah to do? How do I reconcile this with my beliefs? I’m having a hard time doing so.
I look forward to returning to work- outside the home- in the future. In fact, there is a possibility that I will be returning to work very soon. I have an 18month old and one due anyday. I understand financial need to work and I understand calling and the heart desire that God gives a person to pursue something they are gifted in or passionate about. I am fortunate enough to share with Sarah Palin, passion, vision, calling, and support, and maybe most of all- the opportunities to do what we feel called to do. But I think we can convince ourselves of a certain potential greatness in something that can take us too far away from our commitment to our children. The bible tells us to walk with our children, to teach His ways when they lie down at night and get up in the morning (deuteronomy & proverbs, but I’m too tired to reference it). How can we do that when we aren’t there when our children arise and when they lie down? When we choose to have children, we are covenanting with God to be the loving parents, which he models for us, who are present, loving, forgiving, challenging, correcting, rebuking, relational, discipling, disciplining, and involved in the details of our children’s lives. That is a big responsibility. And especially while our children are young- it is SO important.
Sarah’s not the only one. And while we’re on the politicians you might ask, what about Obama? Well, I think that though his girls may be a little older than Palin’s youngest few, they will look back years from now and say, true we have a father who was the president of the united states, but I missed my daddy.
So to summarize: while we can celebrate the fact that a woman is being recognized to lead the country, let’s not forget the reality she would face in doing so. You can’t really have it all-not in that business. Something’s gotta give and I would hate for it to be precious Trig or Piper.
behind the birthing center walls
I’m writing this for myself, but since I have so many friends who are about to have babies, I thought it would be fun to share, and hopefully helpful for you, if any of you are considering delivering naturally or just looking to read about a perspective other than your own. My strong feeling is that there should be no fear in childbirth, and that fearlessness in childbirth does not come from pain medication, but comes from the condition of a woman’s heart, her soul, her mind, and her outlook about the gift God gave us in the ability to create and bear a child. It is a beautiful and natural thing. Whether a woman chooses medication or not in childbirth is not the issue. For all woman, it is possible to realize the significance, and importance of our ability to bear a child into the world and be in awe of the experience however our journey takes us. No judgement cast. Just story telling. And I will admit to being flawed so fear may come over me as the reality of childbirth hits a second time in the coming weeks! I will do my best to remember this post 
I remember so much about getting ready to have Ezra. I remember the excitement and endless conversations between Corey and I as we prepared for our new little one. I remember getting up at 5am one morning to wash all the new clothes and blankets because I couldn’t wait any longer. I remember sitting in 6 weeks of childbirth classes and coming home to practice breathing techniques, imagine what a beautiful birth and a beautiful baby being born would look like, and just reflecting and thinking about what was to come.
Oh how things have changed! I can’t wait to meet our new little one. Some days I go crazy with the anticipation- I am so excited to fill our home with the new baby cries, the smell of fresh baby lotion, the powdery clean diaper smell, and even the not so pleasant newborn smells- all a part of the experience right? I can’t wait to see how Ezra reacts to finally seeing his baby brother that he has been helping me get ready for and hugging and kissing in my belly for months. But spouse conversation tends to be focused around more practical issues and household chores- no one’s fault but my own. Storage issues. Finances. Work. The changing landscape of our family dynamics and way of life. Sometimes I wish we could just dream instead.
As the final weeks of my pregnancy come to a close though, rather than peaceful anticipation I am frantically saying- why haven’t you come yet? why won’t you stop kicking me? why does my body ache day and night? and why the heck am I having such strong contractions when I have almost 4 more weeks to go? Oh the agony of it all. And while I mentally prepared for a long but focused labor with Ezra, all I can imagine now is a quick and painless delivery with this one. Yep, he’s just going to slide right out of my body with ease, no complications of course, and I won’t feel a thing. I know- not a practical, realistic, or postive way to prepare for childbirth, but it’s just what keeps playing over and over in my head. I guess I’m that anxious to meet this little guy.
So blogging about the beauty of childbirth is my attempt to remember the joy and empowerment that comes with the pain of delivering a baby naturally. And I pray that my son comes out healthy and whole- however and whenever he makes it into the world.
Going into labor is a beautiful thing. I can only speak from my experience…but when I started getting those low menstrual cramps, taking me back to my highschool days when I wanted to stay home from school and lie in bed all day, I couldn’t help but get excited. Today is the day! With Ezra I was so excited and it was a beautiful sunny day so I put on my walking shoes and went for a brisk walk early in the morning (after sending Corey to work because I really had no idea when Ezra would come). I called all the important people, doctors and my mom to begin the “getting ready” process. Throughout the day I continued to focus on breathing and relaxing, and enjoying the calm before the storm. Through bible study, housework, and laundry the contractions were manageable and as weird as it seems, enjoyable! It wasn’t until later on in the day when the really contractions began that I was able to imagine this getting harder.
Thank goodness for the big exercise ball and a mother and husband who helped me stay peaceful and calm. Eating lightly, drinking fluids, a really long brisk walk with my mom to time contractions, and gently bouncing on the ball as things progressed. We stayed home as long as we could…it wasn’t until my contractions were 3 minutes a part that we finally had the bag packed and realized we should get to the hospital before it became more difficult to even just get to the car (yes, we timed it between contractions ) Thankfully the hospital is just 5 minutes away.
There are parts of the next few hours that I will skip over, no need to remember them because they were not fun or beneficial but I do remember walking into my new temporary home with lights dimly lit, being strapped to the fetal monitor and looking at/listening to my baby’s heart beat. More time on the exercise ball, a quick and unsucessful trip to the jacuzzi tub which I do NOT favor, and then hearing I was already dilated to 9 centimeteres! I breezed through transition without even fully realizing it! At that point I figured the breathing was working, a few more minutes and my water would break and the relievement of pushing could begin. Not so fast Katey…sit on the edge of the hospital bed- for an HOUR- before you can get ready to push. Yes torturous, mostly because I had the urge to push for so much of that time, but wasn’t allowed too do anything about it. Head up, breath, find something to focus on (i found a spot on the wall) and keep going. You can do it.
Then the exciting news that pushing could begin. I was not scared, but I felt like a kid trying to ride a bike for the first time. Mom, how do I konw how long to push for? what do I do exactly? how am I doing? is this the right way? am I pushing right? these are the questions I either thought or thought out loud. It wasn’t as natural feeling as I thought it would be, but this time I hope to just go with the flow and remember I’m not being GRADED on my performance! The counting helped a little bit, but mostly I enjoyed the oohs and aahs of my support team as they watched little Ezra slowly progress down the birthing canal.
I can see the baby’s head! That was an exciting moment. I didn’t enjoy looking in the mirror as much as I just enjoyed hearing the people around my exclaim it! The phrase- ring of fire- holds so much truth while bearing down and pushing a baby out, but for me, I don’t consider the words painful, or excruciating pain. Yes it was painful, but such a relief to push and do what the body is crying out to do. Again, breathing, relaxing, thinking about this beautiful new baby who I was about to meet was what kept me going. I also tried to smile as much as I could. I do remember that. I think Corey and my mom thought I was being silly, but I really want to relax my face and mind and figured if I smiled a little it would help.
With a late doctor rushing into the room, my support team, all my sisters, and a crowd of nurses who wanted to watch the “natural” childbirth…Ezra finally arrived. It was explosive (just imaging) and quick. Yes, damaging my body- for months- but well worth it. To this day, pain is not a word I use to describe what I felt at that moment. Shock, awe, joy, disbelief that our baby boy had arrived. Joy, relief, happiness.
Yes, the pain would come later as they stitched me up and manipulated my uterus to to remove blood clots. Oh the pain (and we’re talking pain WITH use of multiple medications/anesthesia)! But my baby arrived so it was worth it. Besides, I’m trying to prepare for the next one, so I’m not going to dwell on that part. Just face it as a possible reality and pray that God protects me from that experience again! This time, I know that once baby is out, I will keep breathing, keep relaxing, keep focusing on the blessing of my child’s birth.
And complications? Who knows…that is in God’s hands. If something goes “wrong”, or problems arise, I will trust my support team, my midwife, and the hospital to help me make a wise choice and move forward to do what’s best. That’s all I can prepare for. No worry. No anxiety. Just hopefulness.
Okay, I’m another step closer to being ready to have this baby! I still can’t wait!
some reasons i love seattle
- college memories with the greatest roommate ever!
- a beautiful spot of green land right in the middle of this beautiful city- filled with a dog, a bicyclist, and two cute girls
- an amazing view…water and boats everywhere you look
can’t beat that right?
